but yeah, i think i can make something like that!! i'll need to get some books to figure out how exactly that shit works but that shouldn't be a problem!! do you already have an eevee for her?
[Sure enough, Mondo will be waiting outside in about ten minutes. He's dressed the same as usual, hair properly shaped into the usual pompadour. He seems to be in a much better mood than he has been all month, but that's because Ishimaru is willing to go outside and spend time with him, even if it's just for a little while. He can only hope that his friend is getting better.]
[Ishimaru is as absurdly punctual as always, showing up in exactly ten minutes; he's been wearing that white uniform since he'd returned from Hope's Peak, and today isn't an exception. He seems a little fidgety, tugging at his cuffs a bit as though trying to get them to lie comfortably against his wrists; it's more to give himself something to do than anything.]
...Hi, kyoudai.
[The greeting is also awkward, but that's more because he hasn't done something like this of his own volition in quite a while. Most of his excursions outside have been because he was made to go by someone else, or because he couldn't sleep and didn't want to feel caged in at night; he's still seeming incredibly quiet and generally subdued now that he's actually seeing Mondo in person, but at least it's something.]
[Mondo will take what he can get; this certainly beats the silence and staring from earlier this month. He approaches Ishimaru with the intent of throwing an arm around his friend's shoulders, then stops himself short. Just because Ishimaru is feeling up to talking to him and going somewhere with him doesn't mean everything is back to the way it was. He really shouldn't dismiss what happened so easily, even if he didn't experience it.
So instead, Mondo folds his arms and offers Ishimaru a lopsided grin.]
You feeling any better?
[He figures Ishimaru is, but it can't hurt to ask. Mondo turns toward town, motioning for his friend to follow him.]
[He's not entirely sure how to answer that, and for a moment he freezes up, one of those small, soft noises escaping him as he tries to work out how to answer; the approach didn't really do anything to help there, and it takes him a second to shake it off. But he's not being touched and Mondo is clearly expecting him to come with and he's more than content to follow after while he tries to collect his thoughts.]
[Mondo glances back over his shoulder at Ishimaru when his friend makes that sound and he's about to say that Ishimaru doesn't need to say anything. Ishimaru's faster though and Mondo pauses, drawing to a halt to properly look at his friend.]
Yeah? I'm really glad to hear it, kyoudai.
[Again he's struck by the urge to reach out and touch Ishimaru, but he doesn't. Ishimaru might be feeling better, but that doesn't mean that touching him will be okay again. Will it ever be okay again? He finds he doesn't want an answer to that question.]
You'll keep feeling better, I'm sure of it! I mean, this is a step in the right direction; doing something for Alice, that is!
[Mondo starts walking again, shoving his hands in his pockets. Everything will be okay. It has to be.]
[Ishimaru stops when Mondo does, though he doesn't try to say anything further or move toward him; he just sort of...stares until they're moving again.
Again, he's more than content to follow; he'll find something else to say after a moment.]
...She told me she doesn't have an Eevee. A few days ago.
[...]
...Well, she has one, but it's...not one of ours. She wasn't sure if she gets one of ours. Because she didn't go to high school.
[He's pleased, in some way, when Mondo gets it; it's not something he'd thought to really put into some sort of coherent explanation simply because he hadn't needed one himself. But then Mondo puts everything together and Ishimaru nods.]
Exactly - that's why I want her to have one.
[She gets one because of course she does. :|
Either way, he falls quiet for a moment longer before he speaks again; he hasn't minded the silence lately, but it feels...weird with Mondo.]
[Ishimaru's confirmation gets a slight nod before Mondo falls silent. He's not really sure what else to say, but Ishimaru finds something to ask.]
...Huh?
[Too bad he wasn't expecting that. Mondo stops again, turning fully to face Ishimaru. Whatever he was expecting, it wasn't that.]
...Yeah. Yeah, I've been fine! I mean, I've been kinda worried about you, but otherwise I've been okay. Why?
[Has Ishimaru noticed anything off? Mondo's been a bit more distant from everyone lately, but that's mostly due to worrying about Ishimaru. ...And worrying about what Ishimaru went through.]
[Again, Ishimaru stops when Mondo does, but the general surprise in response to the question succeeds in catching him off-guard; he can feel himself freezing up again, his gaze shifting immediately off to the side, and for a long moment it's clear that he doesn't know what to do with it.
He feels like there's something he's missing; he just has no way of working out what.]
[Mondo tips his head a bit when Ishimaru shakes his head. He has no way of knowing what Ishimaru's thinking. Maybe Ishimaru has noticed how scarce Mondo's been around the house lately. If that's the case, maybe he's trying to figure out how to ask if Mondo's lying to him.
He said he wouldn't lie to Ishimaru anymore. Even if it is to try to keep Ishimaru calm.]
...Well, I guess I've been a bit... distant lately? To everyone. Is that what's got you worried?
[He runs a hand through the back of his hair, glancing back toward the city rather than at Ishimaru.]
Like I said, I've been worried about you. The shit you went through... it's my fault. I can't really explain what was going through my head at the time 'cause I haven't experienced it yet, but I did a lot of shitty things - not just to you, but to everyone. I made everyone go through another fucking trial instead of just confessing. I guess I was scared. I don't think I ever would've done something like that with the intention of graduating and getting you all killed. At least, I fucking hope that wasn't what was going through my head, 'cause if that was it, then I'm even more of a sick fuck then I realized.
[He laughs; it sounds bitter.]
I've been thinking about that shit a lot. I mean, now that you've told me about what happened I guess I've got a clearer picture. So... I guess I've been distant 'cause I... feel really bad about what happened.
[He shoves his hands back in his pockets and gives a half-hearted shrug.]
But it'll be okay. We'll work through all this shit and things'll be okay again. I know they will.
[Ishimaru listens to all that in silence; this is definitely getting into Not Good territory, but he doesn't want to just lock up and retreat back into his head, either. That's not to say it isn't tempting, because it is. But he gets the impression that Mondo needs him here.
So he stands there, and he listens, and he tries not to flinch too hard and he tries to keep eye contact once in a while, though it isn't long before he finds that impossible.]
...You were worried about the promise you made. The one to your brother...and you were worried about keeping Fujisaki-kun's secret. I don't...I don't think you wanted to hurt us, and you didn't...fight it, after they found you out. You admitted to everything. I was...I was the one arguing with Naegi-kun about it, not you.
I don't think you would have let us die, though...I really don't.
[Mondo looks up at Ishimaru when his friend starts to speak. He can't quite maintain eye contact, but he does try every so often.]
...Thanks. And I'm... shit, I'm so sorry, kyoudai. I'm sorry I put you through that. I'm sorry I didn't even fucking acknowledge you before I... y'know.
[His voice is quiet for once and Mondo moves to fold his arms, gripping the fabric of his coat tightly in his hands.]
I can't say why I didn't acknowledge you or say anything to you, but shit... I'm so sorry. I know you did everything you could to help me out and I... I should've at least thanked you for that. Or at least said... goodbye or... or something.
[Mondo finally looks up again, expression determined.]
But I won't let anything like that happen here! I'll always be here for you, no matter what! I don't know if I'll ever be able to make up for what happened, but even if I can't, I'll always be here for you!
[Ishimaru just takes a moment to take all that in, his eyes sliding closed after a moment; he doesn't seem stressed, though - if nothing else, he seems to be relaxing a bit, slowly becoming a bit more centered.
It's okay. He's going to be okay. It's going to be difficult but they'll work on making everything okay again and locking up isn't going to solve anything, so just...give him a moment to work out how he feels about it.
He opens his eyes once he's calmed himself a bit, meeting Mondo's gaze with his own.]
...You know...that I'm not angry with you, right? I don't...hate you, and I'm not mad.
[He hadn't thought that Ishimaru hated him, but the fact that Ishimaru isn't mad confuses him. How can Ishimaru not be mad after something like that? At the very least, shouldn't he be mad for Mondo refusing to acknowledge him?]
I'm... Shit, I'm glad to hear it but... why? I mean, it's fucking awful. The whole situation.
...I'm...still angry with myself. For not doing enough. Or not...being able to stop you, or...I don't know...it feels like I should have been able to...
[He shakes his head; this isn't...good.]
...I...I still hate myself for that. And I'm probably always going to, but...that's just...it's how things are. Even if it doesn't make sense, I'm probably always going to.
But it's not your fault. And it's not my fault either. The situation isn't...right. It's because of Enoshima.
[Mnnngh. He's not explaining this very well, is he.]
[Mondo reaches out then, though he hesitates for a second before deciding to continue anyway. He gently touches Ishimaru's shoulder like he's not really sure if this is allowed.]
Enoshima's at fault for the whole thing. If you're not gonna blame me for what happened, it ain't fair to blame yourself, y'know? But I know how tough that is to actually believe. I mean, shit, I can't pin the blame solely on Enoshima and be done with it and I doubt you could either.
But it'll be okay. We're here now! We have each other and nothing like that's ever gonna happen again. We'll bring the rest of our classmates here - except her and her sister - and things'll be okay. We'll work through it all and maybe someday we really will accept that this shit's Enoshima's fault and we won't have to keep blaming ourselves, y'know?
[Ishimaru's gaze darts down to Mondo's hand as it comes to rest on his shoulder, though he doesn't pull away or move to shrug him off; to his credit, he doesn't flinch, either. He simply allows it for the time being; eventually he looks back up at Mondo.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[...]
Anyway, I'm not sure if I can explain it very well, but she likes harnesses and things. For jumping off of high places?
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but yeah, i think i can make something like that!!
i'll need to get some books to figure out how exactly that shit works
but that shouldn't be a problem!!
do you already have an eevee for her?
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okay let me go see if i can find some books on this shit
and some supplies obviously
where do you wanna meet?
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where are you now?
we can meet up and head over to the department store!
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[Sure enough, Mondo will be waiting outside in about ten minutes. He's dressed the same as usual, hair properly shaped into the usual pompadour. He seems to be in a much better mood than he has been all month, but that's because Ishimaru is willing to go outside and spend time with him, even if it's just for a little while. He can only hope that his friend is getting better.]
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...Hi, kyoudai.
[The greeting is also awkward, but that's more because he hasn't done something like this of his own volition in quite a while. Most of his excursions outside have been because he was made to go by someone else, or because he couldn't sleep and didn't want to feel caged in at night; he's still seeming incredibly quiet and generally subdued now that he's actually seeing Mondo in person, but at least it's something.]
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[Mondo will take what he can get; this certainly beats the silence and staring from earlier this month. He approaches Ishimaru with the intent of throwing an arm around his friend's shoulders, then stops himself short. Just because Ishimaru is feeling up to talking to him and going somewhere with him doesn't mean everything is back to the way it was. He really shouldn't dismiss what happened so easily, even if he didn't experience it.
So instead, Mondo folds his arms and offers Ishimaru a lopsided grin.]
You feeling any better?
[He figures Ishimaru is, but it can't hurt to ask. Mondo turns toward town, motioning for his friend to follow him.]
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...I think so.
[...]
Y-Yes, I think so.
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Yeah? I'm really glad to hear it, kyoudai.
[Again he's struck by the urge to reach out and touch Ishimaru, but he doesn't. Ishimaru might be feeling better, but that doesn't mean that touching him will be okay again. Will it ever be okay again? He finds he doesn't want an answer to that question.]
You'll keep feeling better, I'm sure of it! I mean, this is a step in the right direction; doing something for Alice, that is!
[Mondo starts walking again, shoving his hands in his pockets. Everything will be okay. It has to be.]
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Again, he's more than content to follow; he'll find something else to say after a moment.]
...She told me she doesn't have an Eevee. A few days ago.
[...]
...Well, she has one, but it's...not one of ours. She wasn't sure if she gets one of ours. Because she didn't go to high school.
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What would that have to do with not getting an Eevee?
[It slowly dawns on him after a moment though.]
...Oh, so she thinks because she's not in our class - and didn't go to high school - that she's not allowed to have one of ours? Is that it?
[He's silent for a moment as he considers that.]
Well that's fucking bullshit. She's practically one of us now anyway. She's our sister. 'Course she gets one!
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Exactly - that's why I want her to have one.
[She gets one because of course she does. :|
Either way, he falls quiet for a moment longer before he speaks again; he hasn't minded the silence lately, but it feels...weird with Mondo.]
...has everything been okay? Lately, I mean.
[...]
...with...you. Have you...been okay.
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...Huh?
[Too bad he wasn't expecting that. Mondo stops again, turning fully to face Ishimaru. Whatever he was expecting, it wasn't that.]
...Yeah. Yeah, I've been fine! I mean, I've been kinda worried about you, but otherwise I've been okay. Why?
[Has Ishimaru noticed anything off? Mondo's been a bit more distant from everyone lately, but that's mostly due to worrying about Ishimaru. ...And worrying about what Ishimaru went through.]
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He feels like there's something he's missing; he just has no way of working out what.]
I...
[He shakes his head, the gesture tight.]
...I was just...wondering, that's all.
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He said he wouldn't lie to Ishimaru anymore. Even if it is to try to keep Ishimaru calm.]
...Well, I guess I've been a bit... distant lately? To everyone. Is that what's got you worried?
[He runs a hand through the back of his hair, glancing back toward the city rather than at Ishimaru.]
Like I said, I've been worried about you. The shit you went through... it's my fault. I can't really explain what was going through my head at the time 'cause I haven't experienced it yet, but I did a lot of shitty things - not just to you, but to everyone. I made everyone go through another fucking trial instead of just confessing. I guess I was scared. I don't think I ever would've done something like that with the intention of graduating and getting you all killed. At least, I fucking hope that wasn't what was going through my head, 'cause if that was it, then I'm even more of a sick fuck then I realized.
[He laughs; it sounds bitter.]
I've been thinking about that shit a lot. I mean, now that you've told me about what happened I guess I've got a clearer picture. So... I guess I've been distant 'cause I... feel really bad about what happened.
[He shoves his hands back in his pockets and gives a half-hearted shrug.]
But it'll be okay. We'll work through all this shit and things'll be okay again. I know they will.
[...He hopes they will.]
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So he stands there, and he listens, and he tries not to flinch too hard and he tries to keep eye contact once in a while, though it isn't long before he finds that impossible.]
...You were worried about the promise you made. The one to your brother...and you were worried about keeping Fujisaki-kun's secret. I don't...I don't think you wanted to hurt us, and you didn't...fight it, after they found you out. You admitted to everything. I was...I was the one arguing with Naegi-kun about it, not you.
I don't think you would have let us die, though...I really don't.
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...Thanks. And I'm... shit, I'm so sorry, kyoudai. I'm sorry I put you through that. I'm sorry I didn't even fucking acknowledge you before I... y'know.
[His voice is quiet for once and Mondo moves to fold his arms, gripping the fabric of his coat tightly in his hands.]
I can't say why I didn't acknowledge you or say anything to you, but shit... I'm so sorry. I know you did everything you could to help me out and I... I should've at least thanked you for that. Or at least said... goodbye or... or something.
[Mondo finally looks up again, expression determined.]
But I won't let anything like that happen here! I'll always be here for you, no matter what! I don't know if I'll ever be able to make up for what happened, but even if I can't, I'll always be here for you!
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It's okay. He's going to be okay. It's going to be difficult but they'll work on making everything okay again and locking up isn't going to solve anything, so just...give him a moment to work out how he feels about it.
He opens his eyes once he's calmed himself a bit, meeting Mondo's gaze with his own.]
...You know...that I'm not angry with you, right? I don't...hate you, and I'm not mad.
[That seems as good a place to start as any.]
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[He hadn't thought that Ishimaru hated him, but the fact that Ishimaru isn't mad confuses him. How can Ishimaru not be mad after something like that? At the very least, shouldn't he be mad for Mondo refusing to acknowledge him?]
I'm... Shit, I'm glad to hear it but... why? I mean, it's fucking awful. The whole situation.
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[He shakes his head; this isn't...good.]
...I...I still hate myself for that. And I'm probably always going to, but...that's just...it's how things are. Even if it doesn't make sense, I'm probably always going to.
But it's not your fault. And it's not my fault either. The situation isn't...right. It's because of Enoshima.
[Mnnngh. He's not explaining this very well, is he.]
...I'm upset about it, but I don't blame you.
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[Mondo reaches out then, though he hesitates for a second before deciding to continue anyway. He gently touches Ishimaru's shoulder like he's not really sure if this is allowed.]
Enoshima's at fault for the whole thing. If you're not gonna blame me for what happened, it ain't fair to blame yourself, y'know? But I know how tough that is to actually believe. I mean, shit, I can't pin the blame solely on Enoshima and be done with it and I doubt you could either.
But it'll be okay. We're here now! We have each other and nothing like that's ever gonna happen again. We'll bring the rest of our classmates here - except her and her sister - and things'll be okay. We'll work through it all and maybe someday we really will accept that this shit's Enoshima's fault and we won't have to keep blaming ourselves, y'know?
[...Look, he's trying.]
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...Maybe, kyoudai.
[...]
I'd like that.
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