EIGHTH RIDE ✦ ANONYMOUS TEXT

[diamondo]

What's the worst thing you've ever done? How did you recover from it?

I did something awful back home and the guilt's been eating me up ever since. I have some days where everything's fine and I don't even think about it. Other days it's all I can think about and I can barely do anything. I'm not saying I want to get rid of the guilt entirely because that's not possible, but how do you cope with it? I think it's about time I try to deal with it in other, healthier ways.

...Actually, while I'm on the subject, what's the worst thing someone's ever done to you? Did you forgive them? If so, how? I'm not the sort of person that can forgive easily, but holding onto a grudge forever is pretty awful.

[Look at that, he even went to all the trouble of typing properly so as to hide his identity! He even took out the numerous foul words that originally peppered the message!]

Comments

[diamondo]

Yeah, exactly. People have been pretty nice and supportive so far. I'm kind of surprised. I thought more people would show up and be rude or something.

[diamondo]

It'd be nice if everyone lived that way, but obviously we don't. It's good that you've managed that, at least.

How do you make that anger productive?

[diamondo]

Well at least there's that. I wish I knew what to tell you, but I can't even figure out my own issues. I hope things get easier for you, at least.

[bertall]

I wouldn't hold my breath. It's... weird right now. Back home, I mean.

...What did you do, if it's okay for me to ask?

[ardent]

I think it would be nice too, but I'm starting to learn that you can't force things like that on people. You can show them, but after that you just have to hope for the best. It's hard, having to trust people like that. I still don't really like it.

Ah, but the productivity is a matter of dedicating myself to things that make it so that whatever happened to me can't happen to other people. Learning from example and then using what I've learned to help others, if that makes sense.

[diamondo]

Yeah, I can't blame you. It's kind of hard to trust people like that, especially with something like this.

Oh, hey, that's a good idea. I mean it doesn't really work in my case, but it's really cool that you've managed to find a way to deal with what's happened to you.

[diamondo]

Well, at least you're still alive back home. That's something to celebrate, right?

Ah, I killed someone. I lost control and I killed someone.

[ossifragant]

If you regret what you've done, you're already better than the person I know. It doesn't mean that you'll get forgiveness because that's something entirely out of your control, but you have a better chance of it if you're truly sorry.

It's a long story.

...Well, I could try and explain it. This person was someone important to me. But then things happened that made it clear it was one-sided. That's the gist of it.

That kind of thing happens.

[One day he'll realize that being incredibly honest and being anonymous doesn't mix, but today isn't that day.]

[ardent]

Can I ask about what happened? It's okay if you don't want to tell me, but maybe it'll help.

[codeforhope]

I suppose that just goes to show you how people can surprise you, sometimes.

[diamondo]

[It's okay, Greed, he hasn't gotten that yet either.]

Ouch, that's awful. They didn't regret what they did to you either, huh? Sorry to hear it.

[bertall]

For now, I guess.

Was it in self defense or to protect someone? Or, um... a friend?

[diamondo]

I've tried talking about it before, but it always feels like I'm bothering people. I've been told I'm not, but I dunno. It's really weird. I don't really want to talk about it, but thanks for the offer. I mean, even if the person I'm talking to is really cool about it, I still don't feel like I deserve to have anyone sympathize with me, I guess? And it's not something I can tell them because it makes me seem ungrateful. And it's not that I'm ungrateful, it's just I don't feel worthy of their support, I guess?

[anon text forever]

[twinsanity]

Somehow I doubt knowing what the worst thing I've done in this situation is going to help you, because I'm not sorry about it and there isn't any "recovering" to be done. Sometimes you just have to embrace the fact that something happened because everything about a situation was terrible and move on with your life.

I'm not going into detail about the worst thing that was done to me because that is something I'm going to be angry about for the rest of my life, thank you very much. There are some things that just aren't forgivable, and if you're asking this question because you're not sure that what you did can or will be forgiven, then really, that's up to whomever you screwed over. For what it's worth, I hope they rise to this incredibly obvious bait and absolve you if it matters so much to you, though.

[diamondo]

At least it's a positive surprise. I guess I'm used to those sorts of surprises being negative...

[diamondo]

No. I lost control of myself.

[ardent]

I understand. I feel the same way when people try to talk to me about what happened in my circumstances.

It's not a good feeling to have, and even if I want it to go away, I feel like maybe it's not going away in the first place because I don't deserve to feel better about it.

[diamondo]

Thanks, asshole. I'm not looking to be absolved or whatever. I'm looking for either advice on this shit or at least for an interesting story to take my mind off this. But thanks, I guess you wasting my time is helpful. Really.

[twinsanity]

...Given what you're asking about, you're looking for an interesting story out of someone else's pain, and yet I'm the asshole?

[diamondo]

What do you mean? Why wouldn't you deserve to feel better about it?

[diamondo]

Hey, I'm not denying that I'm an asshole. That doesn't mean you're not one though.

[ossifragant]

Yeah, maybe.

But it's fine. They're not here. They probably never will be.

Makes it easier for me because I don't know what I'd do if they were here.

[Yes he does. He just doesn't want to admit it to himself.]

If the person you wronged is here, that can be awkward. But you'll never know if you don't try.

[ardent]

Ah...well, in one case I should have known something was wrong and acted on it, but I didn't realize in time. In another, something I did meant that I wasn't able to do what was expected of me. People died both times.

[twinsanity]

Of course I am, so don't get snippy with me about it.

At least you're honest about not seeking absolution; that's almost always what people want in these circumstances. So that puts you several points ahead of the one who screwed me over. Well done, I suppose.

[diamondo]

Oh well, that would explain it, I guess. I still don't think you need to feel that bad about it. You didn't kill them yourself, right? It's understandable to feel bad about doing something that lead to someone's death, but at the same time, I don't think you need to beat yourself up that bad over it?