EIGHTH RIDE ✦ ANONYMOUS TEXT

[diamondo]

What's the worst thing you've ever done? How did you recover from it?

I did something awful back home and the guilt's been eating me up ever since. I have some days where everything's fine and I don't even think about it. Other days it's all I can think about and I can barely do anything. I'm not saying I want to get rid of the guilt entirely because that's not possible, but how do you cope with it? I think it's about time I try to deal with it in other, healthier ways.

...Actually, while I'm on the subject, what's the worst thing someone's ever done to you? Did you forgive them? If so, how? I'm not the sort of person that can forgive easily, but holding onto a grudge forever is pretty awful.

[Look at that, he even went to all the trouble of typing properly so as to hide his identity! He even took out the numerous foul words that originally peppered the message!]

Comments

[text]

[solas_ion]

Me, I don't hold grudges. I pay back what's been done to me, and then let go of it. Ain't gotta forgive in so many words--some people don't deserve it. But you don't have to let that shit eat you alive, either.

As for the worst thing I ever did? Hell, I got a long list of times I screwed up. Thinking back, the worst is probably the time I mistakenly killed somebody I shouldn't have. It's tough nearly impossible to get over all the really miserable fuckups, but all I can really say is 'try to pick up and move on'.

[anonymous text forever]

[diamondo]

I guess that's true, there's definitely people who don't deserve forgiveness. But being able to look past that and interact with them normally seems impossible. I know a few people who do stuff like that and it's really surreal.

Yeah. I've been doing that for a long time. It's easier some days than others, like I said, but I feel like there's got to be a better way to go about it. I usually try to distract myself from what's bothering me, but it always feels forced, if that makes sense?

[text forever because shameless]

[solas_ion]

Most people are more than their moments of being complete assholes. I think I could probably deal with someone that wasn't just your run of the mill bastard, you know?

The alternative, though, fuck those guys. Nothin' but trouble.

Anyway. Maybe there is a better method--I don't know, if you're looking for distractions, try pickin' up something you've never done before. Learn something interesting, some shit like that. But it's gonna feel forced regardless, if you got some ungodly awful shit hanging over your head the whole time.

[diamondo]

Well yeah, but isn't there some in between? Like a person who does something that is completely unforgivable, but that person is normally decent? Or maybe kind of an asshole, but they're not completely awful?

[Mondo stop, you're going to hurt yourself at this rate.]

Oh yeah, that's a good idea. The doing something new part, I mean. I've been doing the same old stuff for awhile now, so trying something new might work a bit better.

But yeah, I don't expect it to go away suddenly or anything like that. I guess I'm just looking for ways to handle it.

[solas_ion]

Probably. In my experience, good people can fuck up and fuck up bad. If they're still decent, I can usually give them some measure of forgiveness for it. But it's all tough to say, morality's a pain in the ass.

Distracting yourself's as good a method as any far as I'm concerned. it's just a matter of finding the right distraction until whatever you did quits hanging over you and backs off a little. Since we got all the damn time in the world here, it might not be too hard to find something worth doing.

[diamondo]

Yeah. It really depends on the situation and how well you know the person, I guess. Forgiving someone you know really well and someone you don't know at all are two different issues entirely. Sorry, I guess it was kind of a stupid question to ask in the first place.

That's kind of what I'm worried about, actually. Having all the time in the world here. I had a lot of other things to deal with back home, so I didn't really have time to myself to stop and think about the first issue. The second one sort of cropped up last minute, so I've had to deal with it here. I like this place, don't get me wrong, but I don't have all the same responsibilities and stuff I had to deal with back home, so I've got more time to think about all this. In some ways that's good, I guess, but mostly it just makes me feel awful.

[solas_ion]

I didn't think it was stupid. Like I said, morality's a troublesome thing. No shame in trying to figure it out.

Hey, I get that, really. I ain't got anything to go back to, but even then I got no clue what to do with myself half the time. Spare time isn't always as good as it sounds, and at the end of the day thinking gets plain troublesome.

[diamondo]

Yeah. I don't have anything to go back to either. So I'm really grateful to be here and all that. But yeah, it's pretty hard sometimes. I hope I'll be able to find a way to cope with it though.

[solas_ion]

That much is all on you, kid. I still say just find something interesting to do and keep yourself busy with it. Usually works for me, more often than not.