EIGHTH RIDE ✦ ANONYMOUS TEXT

[diamondo]

What's the worst thing you've ever done? How did you recover from it?

I did something awful back home and the guilt's been eating me up ever since. I have some days where everything's fine and I don't even think about it. Other days it's all I can think about and I can barely do anything. I'm not saying I want to get rid of the guilt entirely because that's not possible, but how do you cope with it? I think it's about time I try to deal with it in other, healthier ways.

...Actually, while I'm on the subject, what's the worst thing someone's ever done to you? Did you forgive them? If so, how? I'm not the sort of person that can forgive easily, but holding onto a grudge forever is pretty awful.

[Look at that, he even went to all the trouble of typing properly so as to hide his identity! He even took out the numerous foul words that originally peppered the message!]

Comments

[text]

[solas_ion]

Me, I don't hold grudges. I pay back what's been done to me, and then let go of it. Ain't gotta forgive in so many words--some people don't deserve it. But you don't have to let that shit eat you alive, either.

As for the worst thing I ever did? Hell, I got a long list of times I screwed up. Thinking back, the worst is probably the time I mistakenly killed somebody I shouldn't have. It's tough nearly impossible to get over all the really miserable fuckups, but all I can really say is 'try to pick up and move on'.

[anonymous text forever]

[diamondo]

I guess that's true, there's definitely people who don't deserve forgiveness. But being able to look past that and interact with them normally seems impossible. I know a few people who do stuff like that and it's really surreal.

Yeah. I've been doing that for a long time. It's easier some days than others, like I said, but I feel like there's got to be a better way to go about it. I usually try to distract myself from what's bothering me, but it always feels forced, if that makes sense?

[text forever because shameless]

[solas_ion]

Most people are more than their moments of being complete assholes. I think I could probably deal with someone that wasn't just your run of the mill bastard, you know?

The alternative, though, fuck those guys. Nothin' but trouble.

Anyway. Maybe there is a better method--I don't know, if you're looking for distractions, try pickin' up something you've never done before. Learn something interesting, some shit like that. But it's gonna feel forced regardless, if you got some ungodly awful shit hanging over your head the whole time.

[diamondo]

Well yeah, but isn't there some in between? Like a person who does something that is completely unforgivable, but that person is normally decent? Or maybe kind of an asshole, but they're not completely awful?

[Mondo stop, you're going to hurt yourself at this rate.]

Oh yeah, that's a good idea. The doing something new part, I mean. I've been doing the same old stuff for awhile now, so trying something new might work a bit better.

But yeah, I don't expect it to go away suddenly or anything like that. I guess I'm just looking for ways to handle it.

anon text right back

[bertall]

The worst thing someone did to me... I think telling me that a friend of mine was being tortured when my friend and I were trying to escape the walls. I can already tell you I won't forgive them for that, but if you're looking for forgiveness, then... Hm...

_{[He's only talked about Berik with a few people, but he's never gone into too much detail. ...Yolo.]} I forgave the person who devoured one of my childhood friends. They weren't in control of themselves, so it wasn't my place to be angry with them. Was I wary of them? Of course. But I still forgave them.

As for the worst thing I've ever done, I, uh. ...I'm not sure if you want to hear it.

[diamondo]

Wait, devoured? How did that even happen?

I guess I can understand that sort of situation. I've been on the other side of that though; I lost control and did something awful to someone. It's not something I can ever forgive myself for.

You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I've done some pretty awful things myself, so I don't think it'll bother me or anything.

[bertall]

My world is full of monsters called titans. They've more or less pushed humanity to the brink of extinction and they eat humans just for the sake of killing. This person was trapped inside one of them for... I think they said sixty years? Titans have only been around for about a century. Because of them, humanity lives behind three walls that keeps these titans out.

Are you absolutely sure?

[diamondo]

Oh shit, that sounds awful. So this person uh, ate your friend but didn't have control over themselves. That's awful. I can get why you'd forgive them for it, but it must have been hard.

Yeah. I am.

[text] locked

[codeforhope]

Sometimes, you have to just find something to immerse yourself in to try to take your mind off of it. Everyone is human, and we all make mistakes and do things that we will regret later...often for a very long time. It is hard to think about it that way, but that is the only way things will start to get any better.

I have had many people do things to me that I shouldn't have forgiven them for. So many that I cannot pick out just one. I cannot say that I truly forgave them for it, but I did what I could to get past it.
I did anything I could.

[anonymous text forever] locked

[diamondo]

[WELL LOOK WHO IT IS. Hi, Fujisaki. Mondo hesitates, considering leaving this alone and not responding, but he decides that he really doesn't have a choice. He needs to talk to Fujisaki eventually. He's been doing a great job avoiding the kid, but that's pretty awful and it definitely isn't helping with the guilt issues.

Time to man up.]

You're definitely a better person than me. I've been really bitter in the past and held grudges for things that didn't really matter. I guess it's not something I can really learn easily, but I don't want to keep doing that sort of thing.

Thanks for the advice. I've been trying to get myself involved in things, but no matter what I do I keep getting distracted. I guess I just need to find something that requires more attention or something.

[text] locked

[codeforhope]

[HI MONDO. Or well, hi...anon, rather.]

Oh, well I...I wouldn't say that. But thank you. And you're welcome.

Talking about it is supposed to help too, but I understand that most of the time that isn't always the best idea. Especially if it is something you would rather keep to yourself.

If it helps you at all, I think that you are very brave for asking for help about this in the first place.

anon text forever;

[ossifragant]

To be honest I'm not sure I know where to start with the worst thing a person has done to me.

[It would out him immediately anyway to anyone who might be reading, so, uh...]

To answer your question on whether I forgive them or not, that's actually a pretty loaded question. The short answer is "no" but the longer one begins with "no, but".

What this person did was a long time ago, and I'm not usually one to hold a grudge. This was one of those exceptional things. That being said, my situation is probably not directly comparable.

The person I know would never express regret for what happened.

[diamondo]

Oh yeah, that's definitely a big part of it. It's hard to forgive someone if they don't regret what they've done.

I'm guessing you don't wanna go into more detail? It sounds like an interesting story.

[ossifragant]

If you regret what you've done, you're already better than the person I know. It doesn't mean that you'll get forgiveness because that's something entirely out of your control, but you have a better chance of it if you're truly sorry.

It's a long story.

...Well, I could try and explain it. This person was someone important to me. But then things happened that made it clear it was one-sided. That's the gist of it.

That kind of thing happens.

[One day he'll realize that being incredibly honest and being anonymous doesn't mix, but today isn't that day.]

[anonymous text]

[ardent]

I've always tried to live my life in a way where I won't regret things too badly - I try to do what's right by other people as much as I can. It's a bit hard to answer that first question because I tend to feel worse about the things I didn't do for people; I don't hurt others on purpose, and I haven't done anything to anybody accidentally that was so bad that I felt there was no way to make amends for it. I haven't burned any bridges or anything. But it's the things I didn't do for people that are hard to deal with, and that's where my guilt and regrets tend to come from.

I haven't really found a way to deal with it; I guess I'm still looking.

When it comes to the second question, I try to forgive people for the things they've done to me, because holding on to that sort of thing is terrible and it just eats you up inside. I don't forget, though. I don't hold grudges, but I don't forget. Usually I just try to make the anger into something productive.

[diamondo]

It'd be nice if everyone lived that way, but obviously we don't. It's good that you've managed that, at least.

How do you make that anger productive?

[ardent]

I think it would be nice too, but I'm starting to learn that you can't force things like that on people. You can show them, but after that you just have to hope for the best. It's hard, having to trust people like that. I still don't really like it.

Ah, but the productivity is a matter of dedicating myself to things that make it so that whatever happened to me can't happen to other people. Learning from example and then using what I've learned to help others, if that makes sense.

[anon text forever]

[twinsanity]

Somehow I doubt knowing what the worst thing I've done in this situation is going to help you, because I'm not sorry about it and there isn't any "recovering" to be done. Sometimes you just have to embrace the fact that something happened because everything about a situation was terrible and move on with your life.

I'm not going into detail about the worst thing that was done to me because that is something I'm going to be angry about for the rest of my life, thank you very much. There are some things that just aren't forgivable, and if you're asking this question because you're not sure that what you did can or will be forgiven, then really, that's up to whomever you screwed over. For what it's worth, I hope they rise to this incredibly obvious bait and absolve you if it matters so much to you, though.

[diamondo]

Thanks, asshole. I'm not looking to be absolved or whatever. I'm looking for either advice on this shit or at least for an interesting story to take my mind off this. But thanks, I guess you wasting my time is helpful. Really.

[twinsanity]

...Given what you're asking about, you're looking for an interesting story out of someone else's pain, and yet I'm the asshole?

[text] I am so sorry for the repeated edits

[soundmind]

[It's been a long time and she tries not to dwell on negative feelings anymore, but if it's a question she's going to try and answer it. She won't bother with anon because, well, she doesn't care who knows, it's not like she's been secretive about what her life's like.]

I almost got my best friend killed because I went into a situation without knowing if I could get out of it. He has a scar now. We don't talk about it anymore. Sure, I was guilty about that, I still feel sad that it happened occasionally. But sometimes things just happen and there's nothing you can do about it, it's how you learn from it and move on that counts. I don't know if that can apply to your own situation, since everyone is different, but it's what I've learned.

[As for that other, there's her father breaking up the family with his cheating, but that's too small-time. She can forgive him for that eventually, she's starting to actually, though she still doesn't trust him. Then Maka thinks of Medusa and that familiar spark of hatred comes back.]

And that... The most unforgivable person I know took away another friend from me. She claims that she's his mother, but the way she treated him like an experiment and personal weapon is in no way motherly. The reason I won't be able to see him anymore is because of her, and my only regret is I wasn't the one that killed her. I can't guarantee I wouldn't try if she ended up here, either. If that's holding onto a grudge, I'm just fine with it, I can never forgive a person as inhuman as that.

[Somehow those two situations are related, so it's not strange to her to say them both.]

{ Text }

[freckledoll]

Those are hard questions ta answer. Hm...

I'm not proud of stealin, but everyone has ta eat, right? An most of the time, it wasn't me stealin exactly. I still ate what was taken, though.

Then the worst that has happened ta me...

My parents - if you could call em that - used to beat me pretty bad. They even burned me. But I don't dwell, ye know? What good will that do. I gotta move on an live my life.

[text]

[lieutenantantichrist]

[Blake grabs his phone and his thumbs jab almost blindly.]

Jesus christ, it's every fucking day with you people!

"What do you miss" "What do you think about alternate universes" "How do you stop thinking about hating somebody" "You're in the desert and you leave a turtle on its back", on and fucking on! You ever think maybe people don't want to think about your pissant moral quandaries? Oh, or hey, here's a fun thought - maybe it's none of your fucking business. People are trying to live their goddamn lives here, there's no room for some assholes picking and needling about every fucking thing somebody's ever done.

[The phone in Blake's hand is not staying steady.]

What the fuck do you want from me?

[text]

[beholdmydemons]

There's not much I hold onto guilt for but when it does strike there's not much to do but move on. Act as you'd have yourself act and don't brood over the past because it can't be changed. The days keep turning no matter how you feel.

[walter that's terrible advice-]

The worst things done to me weren't done to me alone and if I ever forgave them I would have to condemn myself. I suppose I'll never forgive the person who schemed to have me killed but he poses no danger anymore so I don't dwell on him. Forgiveness is something I heard a lot about while growing up but I'm soured on the whole idea now.

regular text forever

[islandshore]

Honestly, the best thing you can do for yourself is move forward. Yeah, it sucks that you can't jump back and time and change those mistakes, but you can at least look back on those mistakes and grow from them. Remember what went wrong, and try your best to keep it from happening again.

I'd say the worst thing I've ever done hasn't happened yet, and everything I have done has always been low-key. But here... hmm, I'd say it's the way I treated my Pokémon. When I first started out, I saw them more as weapons than partners, and because of that, I've got a couple of Pokémon that are overly violent. They only care about fights, and it makes me wish I'd slowed down and tried to raise them better.

Nobody's really done anything unforgivable to me, but that doesn't mean it'll stay that way.